Jumping The Gun

So for some reason I like to jump the gun on thinking I'm over something, or that I'm perfectly alright, when really, I'm just denying myself the time I need to work through things. Yesterday I was completely convinced that I had made my way out of the huge pit I dug myself into earlier in the week...today...not so sure. My emotions seem to be all over the place. Mostly I just have to get over some pride issues and call someone, like I chose to today. And what a difference that makes! To have someone just to chat and hang with that won't coddle you, but won't discourage you either. I know that I've always struggled with MOTIVATION, but it is becoming more and more apparent every day. EXAMPLE: Meisner Class...haven't been in two weeks. Have found every excuse in the book NOT to memorize my scene. WHAT IS THAT???!!! And now that we only have one class left, it's like "well how far could we get with this scene anyway in one class?" I'm afraid. I know that. But I don't exactly know why. I was going to try and answer that, but I have no idea where to start. hmmm...thought for the day...WHY AM I AFRAID?

QUITTING! (Not What You Think)

So...I've made the decision to quit my position as a nanny. I've been quite down lately, and I know that it's in part because I am not meeting many people here in Calgary. I am going to find a part time job that allows me to spend more time in the Theatre Industry meeting people and learning all that I can. I made myself look for opportunities around the city and finally got myself motivated enough that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just want to shout out some praise to all of my wonderful mentors, friends and family who have been so supportive and encouraging...I really appreciate it! I'm now super excited about this show I'm putting up in August. It's going to be something completely different! YAY!!!!!!!! I've got my cast, and I am really looking forward to exploring these characters with them! Hallelujah! Well...wish me luck!

Holding On

Well, here I am. An artist. What does that mean? It means in everything I do I look to be creative. No one said it would be easy...and I knew the life of an artist wouldn't, but I am here hanging on by a thread. There are only a few things that keep me holding on: My amazing friends who are so supportive and encouraging, and the words of my acting instructor: You'll want to quit almost every day, but you won't, because you are an artist. I can't imagine my life with out art; any type of art! I live to create and affect the lives of others. Right now I am trying to remember that as I work at my day job for money! So, I must keep my motivation and read The Creative Habit, and The Artist's Way, and Meisner on Acting, and lots of other books. I will have a lot of coffees with working professionals and learn everything I can about the business and the craft. I will forgive myself for the mistakes I make, because they only make me a stronger person. I will love the Lord my God with all my mind, body and spirit, for that is what He wants me to do. I find when one thing is slipping in my life the others all start to suffer as well. This is me. Like it or not.

Post Graduate Work

The show I am presently working on was inspired by my 20 minute solo show that I performed as a part of class requirement in April 2006 entitled EXPOSED. I was challenged to be vulnerable in my work and as a result of that, learned more about myself than I ever thought possible. Through the process of creating that show I was filled with a desire to explore other characters in the same light as the character I had already developed based on me. The questions I want to explore with other emerging, Calgary actors are: How do other people experience these same problems? Are people aware that they are seen differently than they think they are? Do we get so blinded by expectations from friends and family that we forget our own passions and dreams? I want to try my hand at writing and directing. I am prepared for the many hurdles and obstaclesI will encounter along the way. I suppose it is similar to what a 3rd and 4th year student, in a different style of Theatre Program, might attempt at this stage in their learning. Choosing to perform this work challenges me and let’s me sort some things out and learn more about myself and others. I’m not sure where this show is headed yet. I have the roots planted, and now I want to discover its potential. This is a first step to creating my own work and jumping into the theatre world. Auditions, rehearsals and shows are all being held in spaces I can afford as a graduate and starving actor: FREE! Right now I am working with whatever I can get.