AT RISK HAS OPENED!!!!

Well everyone...The show is up! We had our opening night last night and had about 20 people come out. I'm happy with that! Things seem to be going quite smoothly. I'm sure I won't be able to comment much until a few months from now, but if you can...come out and see it for yourself!

HMMMMMMM....

Well, we had our Dress Rehearsal last night which went surprisingly well. I let go of the fact that I lost a cast member and just went with what we had. We added a few new things, and it is now a very different show from what it started as 2 months ago.

I am baffled though that today, when I am free to do whatever I want I feel more stressed than ever. All I want to do is curl up and watch TV all day (it was brought to my attention that this would not be the most beneficial thing to do). So I am feeling very stuck and stubborn. I don't want to sit down and write; I don't want to think about the show, I don't want to paint, play piano, go for a walk, or even spend time with God. I have this feeling like it would be so cool if I could just not eat all day...NOT A HEALTHY THOUGHT! But on the other hand I'm dreaming of what I could eat all day long (pretty extreme huh?!). I laid down on my couch to just lay there...realizing that I feel quite depressed and I wasn't expecting to feel that until after the show was finished. I have this disgusting mess of a room which I want to be clean but I don't want to do it. It's a beautiful day outside and I feel as though I'm doing something wrong by not going outside. Wow...I'm in a really awful mood! I can't even explain it. It's not really like I'm grumpy...just really stubborn I guess.

HUH...well God...just be with me right now. I just need you to hold me. Don't say it's all going to be ok...don't even say anything, just hold me and comfort me in what I am feeling right now in this moment. As I write this I cry for I know that the only true comfort I can get is from you. Thank you for being that unconditional love that we all need so very much!

Shit Hit The Fan

I know that everything happens for a reason, but I'm still trying to figure out why another cast member would back out of the show. That's right...I said another. Our French-Canadian has now backed out...she has hurt her back and has been told to rest (I don't think this is the only reason however). So I am trying to stay calm and breathe my way through this one...but this is BIG. Really BIG! We have people coming to an invited dress rehearsal tomorrow night. She did not show up last night, but we were still hoping that she would be in the show, so we tried to work the best we could without her. It wasn't until a half hour ago that I recieved an email from her boyfriend telling me she would not be able to make it. Now, I have to decide what we do from here. Do I create an entirely different character altogether and scrap the already new character I have taken on since John left? Do I just leave as is and figure out how to re-work the show order? Do I keep the order the same and fill in Janie's spot with some sort of tie in of all of us? Needless to say I am not impressed, I'm stressed beyond belief and I'm having trouble staying positive. God...YOU are what is going to get me through this. I know I cannot see the whole picture, and I know you have great plans for me and this company I feel drawn to create. Give me the STRENGTH and COURAGE I need to get over this hurdle.

BEEN A WHILE...

Well...A lot has taken place in the last couple of days. So, we spent the day in Mobile on Friday for Kristen's gig, then drove most of the day Saturday to Gainsville Georgia to stay with a couple of her friends Dave and Julie. Kristen played at both church services the next morning, and we all went out to lunch to visit. Next it was a quick trip up to Winton Salem North Carolina to visit with a youth group she worked with in West Virginia and Atlanta. Man were those some crazy 17 year olds! They treated us like queens! It was an early day today especially for Kristen who stayed up to 4am!!!!! We left at 7:30am for a long drive to Cleveland Ohio where I currently am right now. So great to see aunts, uncles and cousins! We're off tomorrow after lunch to Normal, Illinois to see my bro Tom play a gig in Peoria, and then visit with my beautiful Neice and Nephew and sister Melissa. After that we are heading to Michigan to visit another Youth Group that Kristen has worked with. Then, last on Friday we drive to Toronto and I fly out from there! YIKES!!!!! BUSY BUSY BUSY!!!!!! Well that's all for now...I gotta go visit with my auntie pammy!!!!!! YAY!!

New Orleans

Well yall...I spent today in New Orleans...pretty sad to say that it's not as vibrant as it once was. I did get to eat a "po boy" and see the French Quarter as well as Bourbon St. Kristen drove me through the demolished part of town which was a little overwhelming. I took some videos and pics of some crazy stuff...roofs in trees, houses on top of each other, a garage sticking out on it's side out of the middle of a house...empty lots and that sort of thing. Tomorrow we're in Mobile all day for a gig Kristen is playing where I will be selling her merchandise for her and the band she's playing for. We are blessed with a home to stay in while we are here with free food and a nice comfy bed! I'm having a ton of fun so far so let's see where the next couple of days take me!

SOUTHERN U S OF A!!!

Hey all...here in Fairhope Alabama hangin with my friend Kristen. Having tons of fun and seeing some cool stuff. Eating lots and relaxin' lots. Heading to New Orleans tomorrow for the day, then have a gig of Kristen's on Friday, up to Gainsville Georgia on Saturday for a gig Sunday morning...then North Carolina, Ohio, Illinois, Michigan and Ontario! I'll update if anything really exciting happens!

Stress...What is that?

Well...as much as I try I can't seem to get a handle on this whole stress thing. I lie to myself often and tell myself that I'm not stressed, but really, I don't know how to not be stressed right now. I guess maybe if I was spending time out with friends that was just for fun and not discuss anything that is going on in my life that would be just fine. The problem is the few friends I have here are usually buys when I am free. Hmmm...what a predicament hey? I was very dissappointed to hear that my good friend Katie will not be moving to Calgary in September like I thought she was. She was offered a job in Trail that she much prefers to the one she had here, so that's that. I think I'm jsut complaining now, but somehow I think that I need to vent you know? The past two weeks have been anything but easy. Looking after my friends' high need dog was a challenge. They live about 10 minutes north of where I am right now, so basically 10 minutes further from everything. Yes, I did have a vehicle, but I had to be in it more than I wanted to because of the needs of the animals. Plus having our rehearsal space (though very nice) way out in Hawkwood, and working downtown and still looking after the boys at home and making trips to the Chiropractor and such...huh, yeah busy. Well, I', a little overwhelmed right now as I am in house full of people I don't know and had a pretty rough night. You see, anytime I get some down time where I don't have to be anywhere I don't feel like working on my show. That's tough. I know I need to be working on it, but I'm so exhausted! Huh...well now that my rambling has sort of gotten out of control, I'm just going to shut up. You know what? I'm not even going to spell check this, so if you are wondering why there are mistakes....there you go. I'm in a BAD MOOD!

ALWAYS CHANGING!

So, yesterday it was confirmed that John will no longer be working with us as he was offered a job that involves two weeks of training at the end of August. To say the least I had a rough day. Thankfully though it was the rehearsal that Jamie was going to observe, so we were able to bounce ideas off of him and re-work the show. Sad to say I will no longer be incorporating my abstract character that would weave the show together. On the other hand I will be taking on John’s role in a way that allows me to move to one of the monologues. My cast is an amazing support system and we all worked together to find the best way to move forward. Jamie was able to get us re-motivated in that he gave us tons of stuff to work with…ideas for the visual aspect and transitions etc. So, I can’t say that I’m any less stress than I was before John left, but at least I sort of know where I’m going. I have a lot of work to do.

On another note…Lisa, one of my cast members has decided to apply to the Theatre Program at RMC! I’m thrilled for her as I know that this will be something that will benefit her. I’ve seen her work and I know she would make a good fit. She is just waiting for acceptance and then the only other hurdle is financing. She’s 27, already has a bachelors degree so this is a huge step. WAY TO GO LISA! I’ll be there helping her along in her journey.

Only 6 days until my road trip with Kristen. I’m excited but can’t help of thinking that I’m taking 10 days away from my show right before it goes up. If necessary I will ask her to help me once and a while with my own monologues…the rest is up to the cast. We are going to be in Georgia, Alabama, Ohio, Illinois, Michigan and Ontario so it will be a trip to remember that’s for sure.

Well…wish me luck!

Why is being an artist so hard?

As artists we are called to dig deep within our souls to create things that inspire change in others as well as ourselves. That’s not an easy task. Ask any professional artist: painters, sculptors, dancers, musicians, actors, writers. We’re all alike. You know, sometimes I think about how much easier it would be to be doing something where I don’t have to use my creative mind, but I know that I would be miserable without my art. I have to remind myself of that daily because there are many moments when I question whether it’s worth it or not.

I’m going through a really rough time with this show. I’m struggling to believe that I am enough. My mind is consumed by this project, and yes I know that’s probably a good thing, but there are times I wish I could think about something else, that I could be free of tension. Creating is hardly ever stress free. It’s interesting to me that usually when I find creating stress free is when I am doing it just for fun; just for me. I guess that shows that I am a little worried about putting this in the public’s eye, especially when things seem to always go wrong at the last minute.

So here are the things I am trying to remind myself of daily:

You’ve got to get in there and DO.
Limits are a secret blessing and bounty can be a curse.
No deprivation no inspiration.
Whom the gods wish to destroy they give unlimited resources.
Venturing out of your comfort zone may be dangerous, yet you do it anyway because our ability to grow is directly proportional to an ability to entertain the uncomfortable.

Taken from Twyla Tharp's THE CREATIVE HABIT