how am i? (REALLY?)

What a loaded question. Usually I answer this question with "Good..." maybe I'd add "a little tired"...but how am I REALLY doing? I don't think most people understand that if you ask this question you might open a whole bag of worms. Now usually I just don't want to open that bag of worms with just anyone which is why I say I'm alright.

Now recently I've discovered that I really want someone to be there for me...I don't mean a Man but of course that would be nice...but what I mean is someone (other than Dee who is awesome by the way) that I can cry with or just be completely open with. So I've been told that the first step to that is just being as open as possible with the people I feel close with.

It's harder than it sounds. Why? Because I thought I WAS being open with them before, but now I find out that usually the way I'm feeling is not exactly what comes out of my mouth...

I guess I also have a fear that people will just think that I'm complaining or not "sucking it up". I find that I feel like I'm complaining already and if I were to actually admit how I'm feeling I would get torn apart...maybe it's not even that. It's more that I won't be understood and that people won't know HOW to talk to me so that I feel they understand or that they are supportive.

I'm tired...